COLANDER TODAY

Sam Bayer Directing new Nightmare

nobody@vox.com(Colander) — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 21:38:14 -0500

Okay, so Michael Bay's Platinum Dunes is doing the new Nightmare on Elm Street movie. It's probably a reboot, and, from what I hear, will largely crib from the first movie in the series. Whatever, they recently announced the director. His name is Sam Bayer, and he's never done a movie before, but he's a pop director. Really, this movie will be more about the writing than the directing, but here are some videos by Bayer, to give you a taste of who this guy is.

The Smashing Pumpkins - Bullet With Butterfly Wings

Stupid Girl - Garbage

Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit (Samuel Bayer Edit)

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On the Oscars

nobody@vox.com(Colander) — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 22:13:12 -0500

Oscars,0

The Oscars, y'all. The biggest night of the year for movie snobs everywhere. This year I have actually seen pretty much every contender that I wanted (with the notable exception of Frost/Nixon, just because, whatever), and I, thusly, became the most emotionally attached to the Wrestler. Requiem for a Dream is probably one of my favorite movies of all time (which is a big deal, you guys), and so I probably maybe liked the Wrestler before I even saw it? But, whatever, I liked it. Mickey Rourke is great, and the tone, the vibe, is understated and I completely appreciate.

My next favorite is Milk. Sean Penn owns in this movie. Gus Van Sant is one of my favorite directors, and it's not overtly a Van Sant Film, but it's competent and kind of moving. Really, the best thing about it is Penn, although Mr Van Sant is nominated as director. I dunno, I like his indie stuff better, but this movie does not suck, obviously.

Lastly, yeah, I was sad about there being no Dark Knight nominated for the big stuff. But I'll probably watch anyway and get all attached to whatever goes on (I also liked Slumdog, just not as much as the other stuff).

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Six movies that won't win Oscars (or even Spirit Awards) to watch anyway.

nobody@vox.com(Colander) — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 16:05:22 -0500

This is currently Oscar season and, so far, the only Oscar-caliber movie I've seen this year is the Dark Knight, unless Let the Right One In ends up considered for best foreign language film, in which case, I've seen that (we're not counting technical awards in this statement). This post isn't about the movies I'm likely to see in that category (which include Benjamin Button and Changeling, although the buzz for both has diminished my excitement); instead, this is about the movies that the less high-brow (Dak Knight, totally high-brow) parts of me are looking for to, and, in most ways, you could say I'm looking forward to the most.

1. Ninja Assassin

Described by one preview critic as live-action anime mixed with horror, Ninja Assassin is the Watchowski's next production with James McTeigue. It stars Korean Pop Sensation® Rain as an orphan taken in by ninjas who turn him into the World's Deadliest Assassin and who eventually end up on his shit list for killing his friend. The chick from 28 Days Later plays a cop or something. V for Vendetta was good, and this looks to be probably less "topical," but probably more lively.

[newsarama]

2. Kick-Ass

Kick-Ass is a graphic novel by comic dude Mark Millar, who brought Wanted into the world, the comic that is, and I have to assume the comic is halfway decent, as they did, after all, make a ~~mediocre~~ moderately-appeciated movie out of it. It is directed by Matthew Vaughn, who used to produce Guy Ritchie movies, and who directed Layer Cake, as well as almost directed X3 before the smell of shit became too powerful, eventually forcing him to drop out of the project. Kick-Ass is about a teenager who just straight up becomes a super-hero for no reason, with no powers, or training, but it's probably because no one pays that much attention to him otherwise. Layer Cake was a cool, tough british crime movie (I'm pretending he didn't also direct Stardust) and the graphic novel is supposedly kind of violent, enough to make Nic Cage almost reconsider doing the movie, even though Nic Cage consistently makes terrible movies and is only a draw in the National Treasure franchise, and should just be happy that this isn't one of those. Whatever, it should be a nice, low-key, probably surprising comic story with style and popcorn-worthiness.

3. Yatterman

This movie is Japanese and directed by Takashi Miike, who I am in the tank for, so even if it sucks I'll think it's awesome, but it probably won't suck. Nobody (like me) really knows what exactly he's going to do with the material, but it's based on an old cartoon teevee show, and that show was about a group of villains after an artifact that will lead them to a bunch of gold, and the duo of heroes (the Yatterman) who try to stop them. It's probably going to be big and silly and very Japanese, and so not like anything being released in this part of the world next year. Except for Watchmen, maybe, although that will probably be super-serious. Oh, and Yatterman is live-action, btw.

4. Inglorious Basterds

I've taken a lot of time talking about this, and that Brad Pitt picture is effing huge, so we'll just say it's Tarantino, and I want to see it, and I'm hoping it's something different, presentation- and mood-wise than what he's most known for (Kill Bill and Pulp Fiction). I like those movies, but, as much as I hate to say it, he took a hit in the industry with Death Proof, a movie that was very fucking indie for a movie that was supposed to be trashy. That's my kind of thing, but money is tight these days, and if this movie ends up being indie and quirky, I hope it's in a way that tricks people into theater seats, such as with a couple things exploding, and tastefully-placed dick jokes.

5. Star Trek/Watchmen

I lump these two together because EVERYONE, give or take, wants to see these, because they will probably be decent. I'm giving it up to Watchmen as likely the better of the two, although I haven't seen any real footage of Star Trek beyond the teaser before Cloverfield. I wasn't that into 300's script, but I thought it looked pretty darn great and I think Watchmen will benefit from not only (allegedly) stronger source material, but the fact that Zack Snyder has had 300 as practice for pretty much anything he'd need to do to pull this movie off, so I'm pulling for him (there's a three and half hour cut to this movie, but the one we'll likely see will be about two and half--so I'm pulling for the DVD as well).

As for Trek, what I like about it is the universe, and always have. I've never liked Deep Space Nine, or Enterprise, or wjatever else after Voyager the first couple years, but I'm hoping JJ Abrams' involvement will make it okay for me to openly praise the Star Trek franchise without getting funny looks. No on H8!

6. Harry Potter 6

Whatever, it got pushed back, so I don't even watch trailers at this point, as it's pointless--I mean, I read the book (all these are based on something else, I noticed. All new ideas are in the source material business (books, sometimes teeveez) so any spoilering will be in the images, and not getting to see them presented fresh when the movie opens, instead having them whored across the internet as the movie itself stays locked in its bedroom until next July. That being said, this was a good book, so whatever.

Dishonorable Mention:

Punisher Warzone: I was rooting for director Lexi Alexander (Greenstreet Hooligans), but every image I see of this has been worrisome, and artless studio types have supposedly dubbed a buttrock soundtrack on this thing (something the currect TV spots corrobrate) so we're looking at abortion territory here I fear.

Osker busz:

I also want to see the Wrestler.

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Cry Me a River Department: Movie concession numbers down

nobody@vox.com(Colander) — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 07:46:49 -0500

Times are tough for everyone

Even the citizens of Namibia have dreaded this day, but it seems to finally be upon us: people are spending less on the price-gouged foodstuffs available at their local cineplex, no longer compelled by the excitement of a new Zack Efron vehicle to throw their diabetes-inspired caution to the wind and splurging on Goobers and cheese pretzels. Says THR:

Two operators of film theaters on Monday reported weaker U.S. revenue as dwindling concession spending added to smaller admissions figures in the third quarter despite record-breaking results from Warner Bros.' "The Dark Knight."
...

However, the numbers announced by Carmike Cinemas after the market close paints a different picture. The company reported a $24,000 profit, down from the $2.1 million recorded in the year-ago period as revenue dropped 7.4% to $122.9 million. Admissions revenue fell 6.9% to $81.1 million, and concession revenue decreased 8.3% to $41.8 million, exacerbating the situation.

I've been crying all morning.

[thr]

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Concert Review: Deerhunter, Times New Viking @ the Bowery Ballroom

nobody@vox.com(Colander) — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 14:29:47 -0500

So, this passed Saturday I found myself on a train to the lower east side (I think) to see Deerhunter. Honestly, I'm not even the biggest Deerhunter fan in the world, but I like a bunch of their songs, and the tickets were $15 (not including Ticketmaster's pimp tax), so it wasn't that tough of a decision. Plus, the person I'd be going with was someone I don't get to see that much, so that was the point moreso than actually being in love with Deerhunter.

Deerhunter

Long story short, I was pretty much wasted by 8 oclock. Knowing I wouldn't be able to afford le inebriacion at the Bowery's prices, I made a couple of Gatorade/vodka/empty-stomach conconctions that worked maybe a little too well, for by the time I was inside the Bowery's lounge, I was pretty much in no shape to call myself a gentleman, although I guess I sort of acted the part, unless I was alienating people without knowing it. A couple weeks prior, I had seen the Kills in Wiliamsburg, and I got so drunk there that I ended sining bad karaoke, sleeping at a stranger's apartment, and puking in a coffee shop DISCREETLY; I told myself that it would NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. The thing is, I don't drink as much as I did in college, so when I finally do imbibe on the sauce, I go full-drunkard. This happens rarely, but when it does, the next day is filled with anxiety and regret, which is an awful couplet--or maybe just an awful couple, whatever. The point is, Times New Viking are noticeably less dissonance-y live, which I guess I sort of saw coming. They were also charming and unpretentious and I dug that. I made devil-horns maybe?

Timesnewviking

By the time Deerhunter hit the stage, I was in another place entirely. Meaning, I was well on my way to not knowing what the eff was going on, but I remember they played Cryptograms, and it was awesome. Deerhunter is also a cool-looking band live, especially considering they don't really pose as much as some others (I know that, many times, posing is all a part of the act; I'm just saying). Long story short, I don't remember leaving the place, which is kind of not cool in my book, but it happened. I mean to ask my companion how I wrangled me out of there, got me into a subway car, and back to New Jersey with all of my teeth and limbs still where I left them. Hopefully the story isn't too damaging to my psyche, so that when I ask, I can actually handle the truth. Point being, I recommend the Bowery as a concert venue (I saw the YYYs there in 2004 and they owned) as the sound is kind of great and the people are nice.

AFTER-THOUGHTS:

1) I saw Bradford Cox outside before the show (first with some dude, then by himself) and he is less freakishly tall than I was expecting. Sadly, I geeked, saying to my friend "hey, that's the lead singer," which I added to my list of how I am lame.

2) The Bowery is surrounded by Chinese restaurants. If you're hungry, and want to grab a cheap snack before a show, I hope you like Chinese, because that's all you're going to get. Though, to be fair, there was this pastry shop that had a good coissant; it was my first coissant, ever, that wasn't housing a sausage egg and cheese between its layers.

3) If you want a kibob on the street, and reek of deperate hunger, be prepared to pay, like, $8 for it.

4) There was a second opening band, (the Vivian Girls maybe?) but I partied through them, as I am wont to do. Bless their hearts, though.

5) I have to work fifty hours this week. I will be investigating drugs that will make this simpler for me.

Okay, that's it!

At least I'm employed, I guess

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Crows Zero addendum: online viewage

nobody@vox.com(Colander) — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 21:13:14 -0500

O look,u can watch it onlinez!

@ Mysoju.com!

People get in fights.

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Home movie review: Crows Zero

nobody@vox.com(Colander) — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 20:35:19 -0500

The GPS gang from Crows Zero.

Okay, I first heard of Crows Zero from...imdb I guess? Whatever, it's directed by Takashi Miike (Audition and Gozu are two of my favorite movies of the last few years, people are probably over this) and it's got an actual budget as compared to something like Gozu, which, I believe, was like straight to DVD type of thing back in Japan, or like a TV movie (the DVD one is more likely). THis was released in theaters and did pretty well, well enough that a sequel is currently in production with Miike doing the same job (directing, remember?). In an ongoing quest to waste what little money I have, I sought out and bought a copy of this film--I watched it Sunday afternoon.

People get in fights.

Basically, there's a high school where all the dudes fight each other, and one kid rules the school, while the new kid wants to take his place, to be the boss hog of the school. It's about honor and "being a man" and fulfilling your potential, and it's kind of great, sating my J-film fan needs and my hollywood spectacle ones as will, albeit, on a pretty small scale. There are no giant set-peices like a Die Hard or anything, it's more along the lines of Kill Bill, or maybe even the first Matrix (without the wire-work of either of those two). The action is filmed and staged convincingly; this isn't Ong-Bak style fists of fury martial arts cinema--this is about a bunch of thugs beating the shit out of each other. Their world is also hyper-reality to a pretty decent extent, and that's the first hurtle of the movies: it is not always self-conscious. I basically groaned through the first few establishing scenes. But the film owned me by the time the plot was established. Basically Miike wanted this shit to look badass, and it does. I fully bought that these kids were cooler than me, but while there is posture, there is also (sniffles) heart and an obvious desire to create a satisfying movie on many levels, including humor, cheesy relationship stuff, introspection, and face-pounding.

Genji, the protagonist.

So whatever, as i mentioned the budget before, all of that basically went into making the production look professional, and it helps. Miike has said that directing is basically the easiest job on the set, but directing hand-to-hand fight scenes (sometimes featuring a gaggle of extras) this well is not in everyone's range. Rent it, lower your expectations and let it warm up to you, it's worth it.

Four stars.

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Movies I'd be willing to see dept.

nobody@vox.com(Colander) — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 21:16:02 -0400

Friday the 13th (2009) - Teaser Trailer [High Quality]

This is now officially a Movie I'd Be Willing to See. It has the potential to be both hacky and stabby (durf!). But seriously, I would.

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If you were wondering...

nobody@vox.com(Colander) — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 22:01:26 -0400

Um, yeah, hey there. This is the number three google image result for the term 'drunk hot girl'. This was searched for random blogging purposes, but it also saves you the trouble.

What kind of party could this possibly be...

In case you wondering.

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DJ Mixes part 2: SebastiAn

nobody@vox.com(Colander) — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 21:48:41 -0400

The post below this one, or after the 'next page' click after this one, was supposed to include this link to a similar, awesome live set from SebastiAn. This isn't him doing a show, pe se, but more like djing a party. I have not gotten through the whole thing, as it is an hour and a half, but i'll do it soon, I am sure. (of note, but not really: I've been trying to learn french for the passed year or so, via a traveling french lesson on my ipod, and I'm not so good, because it's kind of hard to study in public, which is when i would be doing it, and so i just don't bother studying. but it's there when i'm ready [Next time we sidenote, we promise to use proper punctuation]) Whatever, DANCE!

From Pig, via Beat.it

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*COLANDER TODAY*

Sam Bayer Directing new Nightmare

On the Oscars

Six movies that won't win Oscars (or even Spirit Awards) to watch anyway.

Cry Me a River Department: Movie concession numbers down

Concert Review: Deerhunter, Times New Viking @ the Bowery Ballroom

Crows Zero addendum: online viewage

Home movie review: Crows Zero

Movies I'd be willing to see dept.

If you were wondering...

DJ Mixes part 2: SebastiAn

COLANDER TODAY